The threat of welcoming ease into our lives
and how to overcome it.
Happy May Frennies!
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In our relentless pursuit of a life to be proud of, we often find ourselves entangled in the self-deprecating psyche of the modern man. Despite our desire for simplicity and ease, a voice whispers in our ears whenever we are resting or leaving our doubts in higher hands: ‘lazy, glutton, undisciplined—failure.’
The voice haunts us at every turn, keeping us on a constant rat wheel of over-exertion, burn-out and deep feelings of dissatisfaction.
I had a conversation with my 15 year old brother who I’ve observed to be intimately afraid of things getting easier. During our latest call, amidst the looming challenge of a CSEC exam—a pivotal college entrance test in the Caribbean—he confided, "I can't seem to do anything right. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Maybe I should just give up and step back. Perhaps I shouldn't even take this test."
“It's okay to fail,” I told him in response, and reminded him that his actions should always be intrinsically motivated, rather than by any other external factor. “You are a whole, and valuable person with or without the F,” instead of telling him to work hard for good grades, I encouraged him to face challenges that align with his personal growth journey, ones that will foster a sense of fulfillment and pave the way for future ease in his life. He heard me, cried a bit, and then from the opposite angle began to share his progress and moments of pride, albeit tinged with a recurring impulse to justify giving up. He was trying to prove to me how difficult things were, but at the same time that he was self-aware and could handle himself. It was a pattern I intimately related to— the dance we sometimes do to receive compassion and peace from our loved ones to let us suffer in peace, sink deeper and deeper all while covering up the underlying fear that we may never become who we project to be.
I come from a legacy of quick witted immigrants who believed in willpower and discipline to get where you need to go. Every tale of triumph I've heard has been steeped in narratives of self-sacrifice and perseverance for the greater good. I have also benefited from this belief, as I was raised in the financial safety that came from this ethos. It has gotten me and my lineage this far, and that's exactly why as an adult, this is the hardest belief for me to shake.
Hey frennies, I’m Rae and this is my newsletter and blog where I am supporting the narrative that happiness and fulfilment exists within your nature with essays, poetry, opportunities and lived examples. Here's how we achieve that: practising inner work, centring community, expanding our perspectives, doing soul aligning work, and expanding our capacity for pleasure.
In the book, On Our Best Behaviour by Elise Loehnen, she talks about the 7 deadly sins —a historic archetype of how (not) to live— that permeate our present reality, leaving us burnt out and discontented. Each sin vilifies inherently human desires, branding them as selfish or immoral. We shouldn't desire, we shouldn't lust, we shouldn't rest, we shouldn't envy. It suggests that to take up space in this world and to express human need is inherently sinful.
When we consider inviting ease into our journeys, we are facing the reality that doing so would necessitate confronting the accusations of committing these sins head-on. Subconsciously, we feel safer inviting crisis and chaos into our nervous-systems. That way, we have that chaos to excuse us from the expectations of others and a reason to ask for compassion. When people ask why we haven't responded to their emails, we can say 'I've been so terribly busy and stressed!'. When people ask why we are not yet where we want to be, we can say 'I have been struggling so much to get there!' There is an unconscious understanding that society at large punishes those who don’t feel subdued by the system. We fear believing in ourselves and the wisdom of being lost and led intuitively, because it would mean that we have no legs to stand on when society comes to judge. Ease would mean honesty. Ease would mean we need to have boundaries and be prepared to face the backlash that comes with it.
Often it is exactly those that walk with an air of ease that invite the most envy and hate. Netizens tear apart any post of any person who seems to have gotten a ‘hand-out’. Privilege and nepotism have become dirty words, as if leaning into your strengths is supposed to be a bad thing. God forbid you make use of the the blessings you are born with and be proud of it— I mean, who do they think they are, right? We say those kinds of things in attempts to cover up our deepest cravings for luck and flow. Deep down, we all crave this kind of magnetism... where existing naturally flows into success.
Yet instead of embracing faith and moving with divine intention, we do the opposite and fixate on what we haven't done to "earn" the safety and validation we desire. We seek out situations where we must work hard tooth and nail for happiness and love, forsaking the very essence of what I believe we truly want: unconditional acceptance and to flow with ease, like nature. It is all because we secretly believe that it is sinful to act from deserving.
Wuwei, the central tenet of Daoist philosophy, teaches that there is a natural flow and path to life. It translates to 'no action', or 'no intention', but is actually much more. It asks us to put away our ego and expectations for how things should go and what one should do, and instead respond with 'divine action' in alignment with our present reality. In other words, you shouldn't act because of an image of a future self, or for the concept of a better self and instead act based on exactly who you are right now. If you’re hungry, you should eat. If you want to write, you should write. If you need money to pay the bills, you should get some in a way accessible to you now. It is action that aligns with what is truly necessary and allows life to unfold with ease, rather than with mental pressure. You do not need to force yourself to be or do anything that is currently out of your reach. If you keep responding to the now, then the life you want will eventually unfold in front of you with each divine foot step forward.
It can be extremely scary to go against the social pressure and cult of 'busy, stressed and suppressed', but I believe it to be the only true path to fulfillment and joy. It is not wrong to follow the flow and divine timing in our lives. It is not wrong to lean on our community, to lean on our support systems and assets. It is not sinful to embrace being lost, or to smile even when you don’t know what is ahead. Control is an illusion, and happiness is not conjured from any one dream. That is why it is crucial we learn to move through the world with honesty and flow in the present. That way, we can overcome the threat of ease and embrace it, instead.
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